SOMEHOW...
things will get better in time...
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Una
ugh. today was so retardedly epic it's sad. lol.
actually it was a long, boring day of me being wicked proactive and like,
DUN DUN DAAA
organizing. gah right? loool
i organized like awl my binders, finished my homework, typed up more work extracurricularly, worked on my project which is due like weeks from now, and even updated my allpoetry site so i don't have to for a while...
ew
and now i'm going to diet and get awl actively. i'm going to wake up early tomorrow and take a walk -snort- and i'm supposed to be a on a diet, like three square meals a day and a snack bar for ONE snack.
ewx2
this is repulsing me, lol.
i think that i'm just trying to like, build up my confidence so that when i go and blow 392856924865498635906835 dollars on a freakin' corset (yes, hot topic owns) i don't A, feel fat or B, feel like i wasted money.
isn't that spectacular.
the harder i work the more i don't feel like i wasted my money and the happier i am overall. i think that the harder i attempt to fool myself the easier I'll be fooled.
who knows, maybe it'll work for once?
speaking of fooling myself,
gah
you know how they say that you never get over your first love? ew. i hate that. i wish that i never did like, fall in love, because i don't want to feel like i belong to someone who doesn't even fucking want me continuing to BREATHE. do you know how much it hurts to know he doesn't even acknowledge me and that basically it's MY fault right? I told him i didn't want to be friends because i'm not going to suffer through that. i can't pretend. i've never been a good actress. and so if i can't pretend and put on a smile for him, how will that make him feel (saying that he would give a damn if i decided to jump off a building nyway...he didn't really take me srsly when i told him i wanted to kill myself....dumb fucker >.>;)?
but that's just become a small little melodrama that appears only when he walks by, or someone mentions him in front of me. i wish everyone would just forget about him.
like they did about me.
or maybe i should just forget?
but how do u forget images that are printed behind your eyelids? blink and u see it. sleep and you see it. it's maddening after a while.
whatever. pssh. when i go and drop off awl this stupid weight i'll be one hot mama and have the men at my feet.
wow how shallow did that sound for a moment?
speaking of shallow....
i didn't even have a real thought held behind that after all
hehe
just felt like inserting that right here.
grandmother's still in rehab. not that i mind. i mean, i think it's better off this way, even though i feel for her. if i was in her position i would have killed myself a long time ago. why should anyone suffer this much unnessecarily? i've always believed in doctor death's practice - if you're going to die shortly, why delay it?
and then the sick little voice in my head pipes in. because we love her.
it's true, i do love her. for fucks sake she's my grandmother but i just can't take it anymore. i can't even cry at the prospect of losing my GRANDMOTHER the woman who partly RAISED ME anymore because she's already almost died...-begins counting on fingers and loses count...-
FUCK I KNOW AT LEAST 29q4295-96420425 doctors!
ahhh!
the only part that is going to eventually bother me is the fact that my mother/grandfather are going to take this really hard and i don't think i can deal with their depression. i love them to death - i can't see them hurt.
ugh.
lame.
i wish i could just have some sort of stable shoulder to lie on, someone i can just tell all this to and not be judged....not a pity story. someone who doesn't think i'm crazy, LOL. someone who would take walks with me and would totally diet with me.
maybe i just need an uber best friend.
maybe i just need stability.
maybe i just need a guy in my life who won't just walk out on me anymore....
my mom has been blaming herself for that fact. looking as it from a psychiatrist's (or however you spell it) perspective, this isn't abnormal. my father was an abusive asshole son of a bitch who walked out on my mom numerous times before she walked out on him. ever since she's been dating on and off with all these guys overseas. i would hardly know them before they were gone and i was expected to call them daddy and invite them into my lives as the stranger on the phone who one day would take me away from this damned house and would live happily ever after with. ew. she would give them money and the world in a heart shaped box and eventually they would mail it back to her smelling of female perfume. and the circle danced around and around. eventually she found future step-dad. and to be honest, he's okay. i think she deserves better. she always will deserve better because she's my mother ffs. he's annoying and sometimes i don't want him around me and i would prefer if he didn't want to be my father.
see how this makes sense?
so when i go ass over head over face over heels in love with someone what do i do?
here's my checklist:
1. fall in love (duh.)
2. give up everything for this guy because obviously you're a FUCKING IDIOT YOU DUMB BITCH
ahem.
3. eventually push guy away
4. realize that you threw out friends/family for this guy
5. friends/fam dumps you
6. guy dumps you
7. you scramble to pick up the pieces. beg everyone for their forgiveness
cept
the words never come out right
anger mixes with depression with loneliness and sadness and it chokes out into these bipolar words that don't even sound like you and suddenly guy thinks you should see a shrink.
you know you're not crazy, everyone else knows this, but your lips say something else. you're so sad, can't even cry, feel so broken. and you wanna just hide your face into the warmth of his neck and say that you had a bad nightmare and to ask him to fix you again but he can't anymore.
unlike him, friends and family (the good kind of course) are there to pick you up and shake off the dust and say you're okay.
but you're really not so you pretend anyway.
and tada. step 8.
you're here with regrets wondering what you did wrong.
he never said why.
neither of them did.
but only one really mattered
so you fool yourself into thinking.
idk.
idk.
idk,
IDK.
>.>;
and i would love to meet someone who did.
-----
actually it was a long, boring day of me being wicked proactive and like,
DUN DUN DAAA
organizing. gah right? loool
i organized like awl my binders, finished my homework, typed up more work extracurricularly, worked on my project which is due like weeks from now, and even updated my allpoetry site so i don't have to for a while...
ew
and now i'm going to diet and get awl actively. i'm going to wake up early tomorrow and take a walk -snort- and i'm supposed to be a on a diet, like three square meals a day and a snack bar for ONE snack.
ewx2
this is repulsing me, lol.
i think that i'm just trying to like, build up my confidence so that when i go and blow 392856924865498635906835 dollars on a freakin' corset (yes, hot topic owns) i don't A, feel fat or B, feel like i wasted money.
isn't that spectacular.
the harder i work the more i don't feel like i wasted my money and the happier i am overall. i think that the harder i attempt to fool myself the easier I'll be fooled.
who knows, maybe it'll work for once?
speaking of fooling myself,
gah
you know how they say that you never get over your first love? ew. i hate that. i wish that i never did like, fall in love, because i don't want to feel like i belong to someone who doesn't even fucking want me continuing to BREATHE. do you know how much it hurts to know he doesn't even acknowledge me and that basically it's MY fault right? I told him i didn't want to be friends because i'm not going to suffer through that. i can't pretend. i've never been a good actress. and so if i can't pretend and put on a smile for him, how will that make him feel (saying that he would give a damn if i decided to jump off a building nyway...he didn't really take me srsly when i told him i wanted to kill myself....dumb fucker >.>;)?
but that's just become a small little melodrama that appears only when he walks by, or someone mentions him in front of me. i wish everyone would just forget about him.
like they did about me.
or maybe i should just forget?
but how do u forget images that are printed behind your eyelids? blink and u see it. sleep and you see it. it's maddening after a while.
whatever. pssh. when i go and drop off awl this stupid weight i'll be one hot mama and have the men at my feet.
wow how shallow did that sound for a moment?
speaking of shallow....
i didn't even have a real thought held behind that after all
hehe
just felt like inserting that right here.
grandmother's still in rehab. not that i mind. i mean, i think it's better off this way, even though i feel for her. if i was in her position i would have killed myself a long time ago. why should anyone suffer this much unnessecarily? i've always believed in doctor death's practice - if you're going to die shortly, why delay it?
and then the sick little voice in my head pipes in. because we love her.
it's true, i do love her. for fucks sake she's my grandmother but i just can't take it anymore. i can't even cry at the prospect of losing my GRANDMOTHER the woman who partly RAISED ME anymore because she's already almost died...-begins counting on fingers and loses count...-
FUCK I KNOW AT LEAST 29q4295-96420425 doctors!
ahhh!
the only part that is going to eventually bother me is the fact that my mother/grandfather are going to take this really hard and i don't think i can deal with their depression. i love them to death - i can't see them hurt.
ugh.
lame.
i wish i could just have some sort of stable shoulder to lie on, someone i can just tell all this to and not be judged....not a pity story. someone who doesn't think i'm crazy, LOL. someone who would take walks with me and would totally diet with me.
maybe i just need an uber best friend.
maybe i just need stability.
maybe i just need a guy in my life who won't just walk out on me anymore....
my mom has been blaming herself for that fact. looking as it from a psychiatrist's (or however you spell it) perspective, this isn't abnormal. my father was an abusive asshole son of a bitch who walked out on my mom numerous times before she walked out on him. ever since she's been dating on and off with all these guys overseas. i would hardly know them before they were gone and i was expected to call them daddy and invite them into my lives as the stranger on the phone who one day would take me away from this damned house and would live happily ever after with. ew. she would give them money and the world in a heart shaped box and eventually they would mail it back to her smelling of female perfume. and the circle danced around and around. eventually she found future step-dad. and to be honest, he's okay. i think she deserves better. she always will deserve better because she's my mother ffs. he's annoying and sometimes i don't want him around me and i would prefer if he didn't want to be my father.
see how this makes sense?
so when i go ass over head over face over heels in love with someone what do i do?
here's my checklist:
1. fall in love (duh.)
2. give up everything for this guy because obviously you're a FUCKING IDIOT YOU DUMB BITCH
ahem.
3. eventually push guy away
4. realize that you threw out friends/family for this guy
5. friends/fam dumps you
6. guy dumps you
7. you scramble to pick up the pieces. beg everyone for their forgiveness
cept
the words never come out right
anger mixes with depression with loneliness and sadness and it chokes out into these bipolar words that don't even sound like you and suddenly guy thinks you should see a shrink.
you know you're not crazy, everyone else knows this, but your lips say something else. you're so sad, can't even cry, feel so broken. and you wanna just hide your face into the warmth of his neck and say that you had a bad nightmare and to ask him to fix you again but he can't anymore.
unlike him, friends and family (the good kind of course) are there to pick you up and shake off the dust and say you're okay.
but you're really not so you pretend anyway.
and tada. step 8.
you're here with regrets wondering what you did wrong.
he never said why.
neither of them did.
but only one really mattered
so you fool yourself into thinking.
idk.
idk.
idk,
IDK.
>.>;
and i would love to meet someone who did.
-----
Monday, October 13, 2008
wicked long rant i felt like adding here so people understand where the hell i'm coming from in my recent spurts of insanity, lol
....oyvey....the strangest thing occured to me at this moment.
how many people have i hurt online by vocalizing, or in this case, typing, out rants or emotions because i'm mad, or venting, or just simply trying to pass the time?and then.in the same breath.
how many people have hurt ME online by LYING...CHEATING...GOSSIPING...RANTING...by completely throwing me off balance, virtually beating me in the face with a club?
and how come no one seems to take this food for thought when they read what I write anymore? do people actually believe that I'm just random? no. I'm not fucking random. I just have a wicked long fuse to the ticking bomb in the back of my mind. This is why I'm quiet, why it takes me five years to cry over something, why I laugh in the middle of silence at something stupid that happened a week ago, tho that statement has been recklessly abused by stupid ppl.
you know what really hurts? explainations.
i feel as if I have to explain myself so many fucking times and the sad reality is the people who know me, who think they know me, know shit about me in actuallity. they assume. and when i offer that explaination they turn me away.
what's the point?
srsly.
if you don't get what i'm saying don't even bother getting emotional and pissed at me for it. ffs. it's a waste of your breath and fucking mine.
and you know what? it's getting to that point where i don't even care what i say anymore. if i hurt you, this is for every damn one now, i don't give a shit. i'm too tired of editing, revising, and being recklessly stupid as a result.
in my own way i love you - i love you trina, i love you jason, i love you endless other friends that mean the world to me, and even the stupid people like Faara because in their own way they all keep me sane, tho faara is going FUCKING DOWN if she is attempting to do what i think she is attempting to do. i will srsly push her in front of a train.
try me betch.
back to the point of this extremely long rant.
and if you know me like you think you do,
this is not even fucking half of the thoughts floating in my damn head.
i'm EDITING.
ffs.
i'm not cussing out the people or throwing others under the bus. perhaps my last post was a little...eh, over the top, but it was the truth. i'm sick and tired of loving people for no goddamn reason and ending up bitch slapped by their rejection. i don't need it and in the words of justin, trina, my parents, my friends, "i don't deserve it...one day they'll regret it."
i'm just everyone's last regret.
the thing they had but tossed aside.
i'm like a pair of old socks that you throw in the corner and suddenly on those days you forgot to do laundry and need socks, i'm suddenly there....bad analogy...but obviously true.
i hope that everyone looks at this. really i do. and i hope they say something to me. i hope they quote me. i hope they ridicule my words. i hope they walk up and slap me TUESDAY. i hope that they fucking spread nasty rumors over the school, the community i live in, on a blimp. i hope that they hate me, i hope that they vocalize it, i hope that they post a bulletin in response, i hope that they stay up thinking what a selfish, impulsive, dumb bitch i am. i really do. i hope that with every ounce of my being that they do that. because you know fucking what, if that's the closest i can get for recongnition for sparking some sort of emotion in someone, sure.
try me.
just don't pussy out and hide behind screen names and keyboards. come in the real world and tell me i fucking saaaaaaak. come in the real world and tell me why you hate me, why you love me, why you need me, and why you never could stand me.
tell me why i'm annoying, why i'm pretty, why i'm smart, and why i'm completely naive or obnoxious in the words of Faara.
try me.
what do i honestly have to lose? and no, that's not saying that i have nothing.
I HAVE MORE THAN I EVER THOUGHT I HAD.
but the funny thing is, all that crap i could lose, i no longer have. everything i own is mine, people who would stand behind me rain shine or other wise, friends i can rely on for continuous strength and a shoulder to cry on. try to take that away from me. i think they'd hurt you before i could.
>=]
i'm passionate, i'm happy, and i'm not letting shit stand in my way. i'm to tired of all this drama, all these stupid IM's where people can't fucking say what they fucking mean, but can tell this friend to tell that friend to tell my friend to tell my best friend to mention to me.
this elementary school shit stops here.
i'm not allowing it.
i'm not encouraging it.
im just as alive as all you, still have emotions. perhaps i fly off the handle, perhaps i'm still a bit stubborn, and perhaps i'm dramatic, melodramatic, and probably saaaaaak.
so think about it.
how do u'd feel if u were in my position huh?
would u be in 100% control over everything?
yea, i'm happy.
sure.
but i hurt.
sometimes a lot.
sometimes a little.
sometimes it's just a little voice in the back of my head.
or just a reminder, like a post-it-note on my brain.
but yes, i hurt.
i've been hurt a lot in the last perhaps, 8 months now?
almost a year i believe.
and i'm not blaming those two people.
i hurt mehself a lot too.
my family hurt meand a lot of other people i love hurt me too.
so where would you be in this circumstance?
i always put myself in ur shoes before i open my mouth nearly 75% of the time, and yes sometimes i DO purposely HURT you. yes. that is my goal sometimes. yes. sadistic maybe, but perhaps there's a REASON. maybe if your hurt you might realize something.maybe the more i hurt you the more you'll come to your senses and realize,"hey...i kinda...hurt her a bit didn't i?"..........yea.
youdid.
you all did.
but it's okey now.
well.
i'm not gunna justify any actions that really faaaaked me up.
because they can never
and will never be justified.
there's no reasoning that could ever make a wrong a right besides perception and perspective and you can never make me see a right wrong, a wrong right, just as you can't make me turn black into white and red into yellow.but to look beyond the colors, the whole justice of it all,it's silly.
no, NO, it's NOT funny, the pain isn't FUNNY the situation, as ironic as it is, ISN'T FUNNY.the whole point that i'm still worrying about it, still crying about it in my spare times, and find myself under that, YEA, THAT'S SILLYit's a waste of time.
i could be studying italian or latin or math or ela or history in that time.
roflmao
i've made my "new year's resolution" at this moment.
i'm becomings successful. i'm STRIVING for that. srsly. i wanna go to a good college. I want to probably unless something drastically changes, major in english. I want to make 3029509283569028469-2139853215239523 dollars WRITING roflmao! and i want, more than anything, just to BE someone. and love, and romance, MAKES ME NOTHING. it blinds me. it's stupid and it's a waste of my time.
i'm not saying that i've closed off my heart from love.lmao, i can't. he still has it and always will in a way.but i'm not looking.
it can find me
faaaaak that....this is something i'm not going to forget. i'll probably keep a copy of this, print it out, tack it to my wall...this is everything closed up.
closure.
i'm good now.
there are still strong impulses to yell and scream and cry and throw a tantrum, but the sweetest revenge is to show them that i can deal. that i can be happy. and i can pretend that nothing happened.
two can play the same game.
it's not a one way street.
ms.stuppard said something in history that made me inspired:"the first shall be last and the last shall be first"but also"the pen is mightier than the sword."
another teacher inspired me, miss louis de pointe. she said something along the lines of:"they can because they think they can."
and finally,our headmistress herself, lynn mooney-teta. i can't quote her directly, but i know that her "goal" for all of us in BLS is to find something that impassions us, that makes us excited to wake up the next day, and to find meaning in our lives.
i've decided my meaning.
i'm going to find beauty in the world.and i found what impassions me - my meaning
and being able to wake up with a smile is what excites me in the morning
being able to be with love ones is what i keep living for.
and that
is all folks
how many people have i hurt online by vocalizing, or in this case, typing, out rants or emotions because i'm mad, or venting, or just simply trying to pass the time?and then.in the same breath.
how many people have hurt ME online by LYING...CHEATING...GOSSIPING...RANTING...by completely throwing me off balance, virtually beating me in the face with a club?
and how come no one seems to take this food for thought when they read what I write anymore? do people actually believe that I'm just random? no. I'm not fucking random. I just have a wicked long fuse to the ticking bomb in the back of my mind. This is why I'm quiet, why it takes me five years to cry over something, why I laugh in the middle of silence at something stupid that happened a week ago, tho that statement has been recklessly abused by stupid ppl.
you know what really hurts? explainations.
i feel as if I have to explain myself so many fucking times and the sad reality is the people who know me, who think they know me, know shit about me in actuallity. they assume. and when i offer that explaination they turn me away.
what's the point?
srsly.
if you don't get what i'm saying don't even bother getting emotional and pissed at me for it. ffs. it's a waste of your breath and fucking mine.
and you know what? it's getting to that point where i don't even care what i say anymore. if i hurt you, this is for every damn one now, i don't give a shit. i'm too tired of editing, revising, and being recklessly stupid as a result.
in my own way i love you - i love you trina, i love you jason, i love you endless other friends that mean the world to me, and even the stupid people like Faara because in their own way they all keep me sane, tho faara is going FUCKING DOWN if she is attempting to do what i think she is attempting to do. i will srsly push her in front of a train.
try me betch.
back to the point of this extremely long rant.
and if you know me like you think you do,
this is not even fucking half of the thoughts floating in my damn head.
i'm EDITING.
ffs.
i'm not cussing out the people or throwing others under the bus. perhaps my last post was a little...eh, over the top, but it was the truth. i'm sick and tired of loving people for no goddamn reason and ending up bitch slapped by their rejection. i don't need it and in the words of justin, trina, my parents, my friends, "i don't deserve it...one day they'll regret it."
i'm just everyone's last regret.
the thing they had but tossed aside.
i'm like a pair of old socks that you throw in the corner and suddenly on those days you forgot to do laundry and need socks, i'm suddenly there....bad analogy...but obviously true.
i hope that everyone looks at this. really i do. and i hope they say something to me. i hope they quote me. i hope they ridicule my words. i hope they walk up and slap me TUESDAY. i hope that they fucking spread nasty rumors over the school, the community i live in, on a blimp. i hope that they hate me, i hope that they vocalize it, i hope that they post a bulletin in response, i hope that they stay up thinking what a selfish, impulsive, dumb bitch i am. i really do. i hope that with every ounce of my being that they do that. because you know fucking what, if that's the closest i can get for recongnition for sparking some sort of emotion in someone, sure.
try me.
just don't pussy out and hide behind screen names and keyboards. come in the real world and tell me i fucking saaaaaaak. come in the real world and tell me why you hate me, why you love me, why you need me, and why you never could stand me.
tell me why i'm annoying, why i'm pretty, why i'm smart, and why i'm completely naive or obnoxious in the words of Faara.
try me.
what do i honestly have to lose? and no, that's not saying that i have nothing.
I HAVE MORE THAN I EVER THOUGHT I HAD.
but the funny thing is, all that crap i could lose, i no longer have. everything i own is mine, people who would stand behind me rain shine or other wise, friends i can rely on for continuous strength and a shoulder to cry on. try to take that away from me. i think they'd hurt you before i could.
>=]
i'm passionate, i'm happy, and i'm not letting shit stand in my way. i'm to tired of all this drama, all these stupid IM's where people can't fucking say what they fucking mean, but can tell this friend to tell that friend to tell my friend to tell my best friend to mention to me.
this elementary school shit stops here.
i'm not allowing it.
i'm not encouraging it.
im just as alive as all you, still have emotions. perhaps i fly off the handle, perhaps i'm still a bit stubborn, and perhaps i'm dramatic, melodramatic, and probably saaaaaak.
so think about it.
how do u'd feel if u were in my position huh?
would u be in 100% control over everything?
yea, i'm happy.
sure.
but i hurt.
sometimes a lot.
sometimes a little.
sometimes it's just a little voice in the back of my head.
or just a reminder, like a post-it-note on my brain.
but yes, i hurt.
i've been hurt a lot in the last perhaps, 8 months now?
almost a year i believe.
and i'm not blaming those two people.
i hurt mehself a lot too.
my family hurt meand a lot of other people i love hurt me too.
so where would you be in this circumstance?
i always put myself in ur shoes before i open my mouth nearly 75% of the time, and yes sometimes i DO purposely HURT you. yes. that is my goal sometimes. yes. sadistic maybe, but perhaps there's a REASON. maybe if your hurt you might realize something.maybe the more i hurt you the more you'll come to your senses and realize,"hey...i kinda...hurt her a bit didn't i?"..........yea.
youdid.
you all did.
but it's okey now.
well.
i'm not gunna justify any actions that really faaaaked me up.
because they can never
and will never be justified.
there's no reasoning that could ever make a wrong a right besides perception and perspective and you can never make me see a right wrong, a wrong right, just as you can't make me turn black into white and red into yellow.but to look beyond the colors, the whole justice of it all,it's silly.
no, NO, it's NOT funny, the pain isn't FUNNY the situation, as ironic as it is, ISN'T FUNNY.the whole point that i'm still worrying about it, still crying about it in my spare times, and find myself under that, YEA, THAT'S SILLYit's a waste of time.
i could be studying italian or latin or math or ela or history in that time.
roflmao
i've made my "new year's resolution" at this moment.
i'm becomings successful. i'm STRIVING for that. srsly. i wanna go to a good college. I want to probably unless something drastically changes, major in english. I want to make 3029509283569028469-2139853215239523 dollars WRITING roflmao! and i want, more than anything, just to BE someone. and love, and romance, MAKES ME NOTHING. it blinds me. it's stupid and it's a waste of my time.
i'm not saying that i've closed off my heart from love.lmao, i can't. he still has it and always will in a way.but i'm not looking.
it can find me
faaaaak that....this is something i'm not going to forget. i'll probably keep a copy of this, print it out, tack it to my wall...this is everything closed up.
closure.
i'm good now.
there are still strong impulses to yell and scream and cry and throw a tantrum, but the sweetest revenge is to show them that i can deal. that i can be happy. and i can pretend that nothing happened.
two can play the same game.
it's not a one way street.
ms.stuppard said something in history that made me inspired:"the first shall be last and the last shall be first"but also"the pen is mightier than the sword."
another teacher inspired me, miss louis de pointe. she said something along the lines of:"they can because they think they can."
and finally,our headmistress herself, lynn mooney-teta. i can't quote her directly, but i know that her "goal" for all of us in BLS is to find something that impassions us, that makes us excited to wake up the next day, and to find meaning in our lives.
i've decided my meaning.
i'm going to find beauty in the world.and i found what impassions me - my meaning
and being able to wake up with a smile is what excites me in the morning
being able to be with love ones is what i keep living for.
and that
is all folks
Sunday, October 12, 2008
I'll Cut You
[Sun Oct 12 2008 06:57:19 PM] XxAznJingxX:
.
[Sun Oct 12 2008 06:57:29 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: lolwut?
[Sun Oct 12 2008 06:57:30 PM] XxAznJingxX:
i laugh at u bitchh lol
[Sun Oct 12 2008 06:57:35 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: ouch lol
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:02:34 PM] XxAznJingxX:
.
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:02:35 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA:
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:02:51 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: !
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:16:17 PM] XxAznJingxX:
.
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:16:26 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: ...
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:16:27 PM] XxAznJingxX:
i laugh at u bitchh lol
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:17:59 PM] XxAznJingxX:
?.?
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:18:10 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: wut do u want phil?
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:18:11 PM] XxAznJingxX:
i laugh at u bitchh lol
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:18:25 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: -sighs and shakes head-
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:23:09 PM] XxAznJingxX:
y
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:23:39 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: because ur a ridiculous ass?
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:23:40 PM] XxAznJingxX:
i laugh at u bitchh lol
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:24:06 PM] XxAznJingxX:
i aint no donkey u take that back!
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:24:29 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: -.-
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:24:32 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: okay
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:24:39 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: ur a ridiculous bastard?
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:24:40 PM] XxAznJingxX:
XxAznJingxX (7:25:00 PM): yea u queero !x chiggah who (7:25:16 PM): deeeeffff . lol i lauigh at chrissy =]
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:25:29 PM] XxAznJingxX:
my fathers dead u take that back !
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:25:44 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: uhm, no?
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:26:52 PM] XxAznJingxX:
u take that no back!
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:27:04 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: -.-
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:27:21 PM] XxAznJingxX:
take yo life back!
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:27:52 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: no?
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:28:30 PM] XxAznJingxX:
u chick pox
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:30:12 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: no
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:33:12 PM] XxAznJingxX:
me and romano r best friends
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:33:41 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: go figure right? lol
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:33:42 PM] XxAznJingxX:
x chiggah who (7:30:13 PM): yu'd vebeen doingthat for a while . XxAznJingxX (7:25:00 PM): yea u queero !x chiggah who (7:25:16 PM): deeeeffff . lol i lauigh at you MORE chrissy =]
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:33:52 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: hope ya'll have like
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:33:54 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: an
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:34:01 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: "I hate Patricia" club going on
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:34:02 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: like
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:34:05 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: membership rings
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:34:08 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: and a theme song
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:34:13 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: nd everything lmfao
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:35:14 PM] XxAznJingxX:
wow ur queer
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:35:25 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: lmfao wow ur fucking queer
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:35:28 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: really lol[
Sun Oct 12 2008 07:36:09 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: what else do u want me to say?
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:46:48 PM] XxAznJingxX:
hows that pen15
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:46:59 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: wha?
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:47:15 PM] XxAznJingxX:
the one down ur throat
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:47:31 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: -.-
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:47:53 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: wtf is wrong?
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:47:58 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: how'd did i piss you off
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:47:59 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: now
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:48:00 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: ffs
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:48:16 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: i hardly say a goddamn thing to u and all u have to say to me is ridicule and derision ffs
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:48:16 PM] XxAznJingxX:
ur not
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:48:17 PM] XxAznJingxX:
lol
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:48:35 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: omigod
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:48:44 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: >.>;
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:48:46 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: why
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:48:47 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: do i bother
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:48:50 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: trying to hold
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:48:54 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: a conversation
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:48:55 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: no
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:48:57 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: scratch that
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:49:00 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: why do i bother
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:49:01 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: period
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:49:40 PM] XxAznJingxX:
eww u bother ur period wtf thats not normal
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:49:57 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: ur prolly gunna give me premature meopause
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:50:00 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: fuck periods
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:50:03 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: immature
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:51:26 PM] XxAznJingxX:
yes u r
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:51:31 PM] XxAznJingxX:
big words dont make u mature btw
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:51:46 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: i never said it did
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:51:51 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: i never assumed i was
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:51:55 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: assuming is a bad thing phil[
Sun Oct 12 2008 07:53:18 PM] XxAznJingxX:
ass u me ing wth thats makes no sense smart one
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:53:34 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: ....
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:54:30 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: *to assume is a bad thing phil
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:54:32 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: happy?
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:54:42 PM] XxAznJingxX:
ass u me stil doesnt make sense
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:55:01 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: when u assume
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:55:11 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: u make an ASS out of U and ME
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:55:12 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: ...
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:55:15 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: why[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:55:33 PM] XxAznJingxX:
no
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:55:36 PM] XxAznJingxX:
ass u me
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:55:46 PM] XxAznJingxX:
there not words inbetween thenm
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:55:58 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: okay
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:56:01 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: whatever u say dear
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:56:20 PM] XxAznJingxX:
or else it would be " to umakeanASSoutofUandME is a bad thing phil"
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:56:24 PM] XxAznJingxX:
but u said assume soo..
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:56:38 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: whatever u want
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:56:43 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: >.>;
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:56:58 PM] XxAznJingxX:
stop looking through windows
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:57:19 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: whatever u want -.-
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:57:53 PM] XxAznJingxX:
girls
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:58:06 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: ha like u have a problem in that department[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:58:09 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: roflmao[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:58:51 PM] XxAznJingxX:
yeaa seeing how i went out with u
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:58:52 PM] XxAznJingxX:
BURN
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:59:06 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: yea i will admit
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:59:08 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: desperate
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:59:10 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: much? lol
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:59:13 PM] XxAznJingxX:
nope
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:59:17 PM] XxAznJingxX:
they call it rebounds
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:59:29 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: awl the same to me
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:00:01 PM] XxAznJingxX:
cept u cant spell
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:00:39 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: yea i r very retarded
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:00:42 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: i fucking dated u
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:00:43 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: i still
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:00:46 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: fucking talk to u
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:00:48 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: i see
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:00:51 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: the retardation in that
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:00:53 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: -.-
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:01:12 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: "oo burn"
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:01:58 PM] XxAznJingxX:
wow ur still talking u have no life
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:02:26 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: nope i don't
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:02:27 PM] XxAznJingxX:
x chiggah who (7:30:13 PM): yu'd vebeen doingthat for a while . XxAznJingxX (7:25:00 PM): yea u queero !x chiggah who (7:25:16 PM): deeeeffff . lol i lauigh at you MORE chrissy =]
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:02:29 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: ^__^
BLOCKED
.
[Sun Oct 12 2008 06:57:29 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: lolwut?
[Sun Oct 12 2008 06:57:30 PM] XxAznJingxX:
i laugh at u bitchh lol
[Sun Oct 12 2008 06:57:35 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: ouch lol
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:02:34 PM] XxAznJingxX:
.
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:02:35 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA:
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:02:51 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: !
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:16:17 PM] XxAznJingxX:
.
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:16:26 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: ...
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:16:27 PM] XxAznJingxX:
i laugh at u bitchh lol
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:17:59 PM] XxAznJingxX:
?.?
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:18:10 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: wut do u want phil?
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:18:11 PM] XxAznJingxX:
i laugh at u bitchh lol
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:18:25 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: -sighs and shakes head-
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:23:09 PM] XxAznJingxX:
y
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:23:39 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: because ur a ridiculous ass?
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:23:40 PM] XxAznJingxX:
i laugh at u bitchh lol
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:24:06 PM] XxAznJingxX:
i aint no donkey u take that back!
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:24:29 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: -.-
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:24:32 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: okay
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:24:39 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: ur a ridiculous bastard?
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:24:40 PM] XxAznJingxX:
XxAznJingxX (7:25:00 PM): yea u queero !x chiggah who (7:25:16 PM): deeeeffff . lol i lauigh at chrissy =]
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:25:29 PM] XxAznJingxX:
my fathers dead u take that back !
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:25:44 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: uhm, no?
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:26:52 PM] XxAznJingxX:
u take that no back!
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:27:04 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: -.-
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:27:21 PM] XxAznJingxX:
take yo life back!
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:27:52 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: no?
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:28:30 PM] XxAznJingxX:
u chick pox
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:30:12 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: no
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:33:12 PM] XxAznJingxX:
me and romano r best friends
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:33:41 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: go figure right? lol
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:33:42 PM] XxAznJingxX:
x chiggah who (7:30:13 PM): yu'd vebeen doingthat for a while . XxAznJingxX (7:25:00 PM): yea u queero !x chiggah who (7:25:16 PM): deeeeffff . lol i lauigh at you MORE chrissy =]
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:33:52 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: hope ya'll have like
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:33:54 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: an
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:34:01 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: "I hate Patricia" club going on
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:34:02 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: like
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:34:05 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: membership rings
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:34:08 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: and a theme song
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:34:13 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: nd everything lmfao
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:35:14 PM] XxAznJingxX:
wow ur queer
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:35:25 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: lmfao wow ur fucking queer
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:35:28 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: really lol[
Sun Oct 12 2008 07:36:09 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: what else do u want me to say?
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:46:48 PM] XxAznJingxX:
hows that pen15
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:46:59 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: wha?
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:47:15 PM] XxAznJingxX:
the one down ur throat
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:47:31 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: -.-
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:47:53 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: wtf is wrong?
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:47:58 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: how'd did i piss you off
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:47:59 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: now
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:48:00 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: ffs
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:48:16 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: i hardly say a goddamn thing to u and all u have to say to me is ridicule and derision ffs
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:48:16 PM] XxAznJingxX:
ur not
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:48:17 PM] XxAznJingxX:
lol
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:48:35 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: omigod
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:48:44 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: >.>;
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:48:46 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: why
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:48:47 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: do i bother
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:48:50 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: trying to hold
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:48:54 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: a conversation
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:48:55 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: no
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:48:57 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: scratch that
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:49:00 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: why do i bother
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:49:01 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: period
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:49:40 PM] XxAznJingxX:
eww u bother ur period wtf thats not normal
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:49:57 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: ur prolly gunna give me premature meopause
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:50:00 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: fuck periods
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:50:03 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: immature
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:51:26 PM] XxAznJingxX:
yes u r
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:51:31 PM] XxAznJingxX:
big words dont make u mature btw
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:51:46 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: i never said it did
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:51:51 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: i never assumed i was
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:51:55 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: assuming is a bad thing phil[
Sun Oct 12 2008 07:53:18 PM] XxAznJingxX:
ass u me ing wth thats makes no sense smart one
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:53:34 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: ....
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:54:30 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: *to assume is a bad thing phil
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:54:32 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: happy?
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:54:42 PM] XxAznJingxX:
ass u me stil doesnt make sense
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:55:01 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: when u assume
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:55:11 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: u make an ASS out of U and ME
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:55:12 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: ...
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:55:15 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: why[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:55:33 PM] XxAznJingxX:
no
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:55:36 PM] XxAznJingxX:
ass u me
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:55:46 PM] XxAznJingxX:
there not words inbetween thenm
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:55:58 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: okay
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:56:01 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: whatever u say dear
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:56:20 PM] XxAznJingxX:
or else it would be " to umakeanASSoutofUandME is a bad thing phil"
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:56:24 PM] XxAznJingxX:
but u said assume soo..
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:56:38 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: whatever u want
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:56:43 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: >.>;
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:56:58 PM] XxAznJingxX:
stop looking through windows
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:57:19 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: whatever u want -.-
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:57:53 PM] XxAznJingxX:
girls
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:58:06 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: ha like u have a problem in that department[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:58:09 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: roflmao[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:58:51 PM] XxAznJingxX:
yeaa seeing how i went out with u
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:58:52 PM] XxAznJingxX:
BURN
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:59:06 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: yea i will admit
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:59:08 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: desperate
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:59:10 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: much? lol
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:59:13 PM] XxAznJingxX:
nope
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:59:17 PM] XxAznJingxX:
they call it rebounds
[Sun Oct 12 2008 07:59:29 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: awl the same to me
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:00:01 PM] XxAznJingxX:
cept u cant spell
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:00:39 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: yea i r very retarded
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:00:42 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: i fucking dated u
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:00:43 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: i still
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:00:46 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: fucking talk to u
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:00:48 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: i see
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:00:51 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: the retardation in that
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:00:53 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: -.-
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:01:12 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: "oo burn"
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:01:58 PM] XxAznJingxX:
wow ur still talking u have no life
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:02:26 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: nope i don't
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:02:27 PM] XxAznJingxX:
x chiggah who (7:30:13 PM): yu'd vebeen doingthat for a while . XxAznJingxX (7:25:00 PM): yea u queero !x chiggah who (7:25:16 PM): deeeeffff . lol i lauigh at you MORE chrissy =]
[Sun Oct 12 2008 08:02:29 PM] OOKAMIxNINJA: ^__^
BLOCKED
Lost
We had once walked in leisurely steps/marching to an unknown regal beat/hands attached, embroidered together/eyes never wavering from dreamy glances
However, unbeknownst to me,/you had seen something ahead more valuable,/eyes avert in scorning guilt,/you hastened, jerked away
I attempted to anchor myself into the sand,/vehement in my attempt to pull you back/and yet your determination was strict I fell to the ground in tears,/tasting sour on my tongue/I had licked my wounds clean, reveling in the electric pain/watched them heal with blackened eyes
Unsteady, like a foal on wobbly legs, I stood/unwillingly my body hesitantly advanced/searching blindly for a familiar shadow,/that feel over the horizon - a burning starI had gained momentum, jog, run, strive, trip, fall/my legs were damaged - my eyes were frenzied/my heart had given up faith
And in this calamity he appeared - a swift wind/he lifted me, carried me,/arms tender warm - eyes dark, sinful with betrayal,/a traitor, a pretence
My skin was thickened from my scabs/my mind rejected pain/A numb martyr in his arms,/eyes closed from realities lost doors
My weight was unbearable,/and so I crashed unwillingly from a haven /I tumbled through colors, tastes, smells and stoodI walked farther than I had imaged possible/eyes chastised on the eternal road/you meant little then/and yet my mind had wandered - masochistic in origin
Thoughts danced wickedly /almost consuming my morals and filled me with hope/I scolded my eyes, scolded my heart - forward march!/and shivered in the approaching cold - bare skinned Now your figure darkens my horizon/your mind ignorant to my struggles/the path I had marked with endless footsteps
You’re haggard and broken- confused and lost/I walk in step behind you, a silent plague/too far to touch/too close to speak
I watch, blood boiling/trying to override the evident joy and pain in this reunion/while my hand flexes, wanting so much to grab yours,/take this world by storm together
Yet you shall reject me,/push me away and abuse me/it’s obvious on the tasteless windYou walk on/unbeknownst to my presence, my struggle/you never were clairvoyant - never were perceptive/and in this laid your fears
In your shadow I hide,/living in this world of endless night and frozen rain/stabbing into my palms/filling me with pain that spread with wildfire like eagerness
I am not your messiah,/your sacrifice, /your regret
Impossible to escape/you never change pace/shivering violently, angrily/I hasten, walk, run, fly ahead of you
Not once do I turn for your expression/eyes trained forward - FORWARD MARCH!/with heartbroken relief,/I overcome your grasp of time
However, unbeknownst to me,/you had seen something ahead more valuable,/eyes avert in scorning guilt,/you hastened, jerked away
I attempted to anchor myself into the sand,/vehement in my attempt to pull you back/and yet your determination was strict I fell to the ground in tears,/tasting sour on my tongue/I had licked my wounds clean, reveling in the electric pain/watched them heal with blackened eyes
Unsteady, like a foal on wobbly legs, I stood/unwillingly my body hesitantly advanced/searching blindly for a familiar shadow,/that feel over the horizon - a burning starI had gained momentum, jog, run, strive, trip, fall/my legs were damaged - my eyes were frenzied/my heart had given up faith
And in this calamity he appeared - a swift wind/he lifted me, carried me,/arms tender warm - eyes dark, sinful with betrayal,/a traitor, a pretence
My skin was thickened from my scabs/my mind rejected pain/A numb martyr in his arms,/eyes closed from realities lost doors
My weight was unbearable,/and so I crashed unwillingly from a haven /I tumbled through colors, tastes, smells and stoodI walked farther than I had imaged possible/eyes chastised on the eternal road/you meant little then/and yet my mind had wandered - masochistic in origin
Thoughts danced wickedly /almost consuming my morals and filled me with hope/I scolded my eyes, scolded my heart - forward march!/and shivered in the approaching cold - bare skinned Now your figure darkens my horizon/your mind ignorant to my struggles/the path I had marked with endless footsteps
You’re haggard and broken- confused and lost/I walk in step behind you, a silent plague/too far to touch/too close to speak
I watch, blood boiling/trying to override the evident joy and pain in this reunion/while my hand flexes, wanting so much to grab yours,/take this world by storm together
Yet you shall reject me,/push me away and abuse me/it’s obvious on the tasteless windYou walk on/unbeknownst to my presence, my struggle/you never were clairvoyant - never were perceptive/and in this laid your fears
In your shadow I hide,/living in this world of endless night and frozen rain/stabbing into my palms/filling me with pain that spread with wildfire like eagerness
I am not your messiah,/your sacrifice, /your regret
Impossible to escape/you never change pace/shivering violently, angrily/I hasten, walk, run, fly ahead of you
Not once do I turn for your expression/eyes trained forward - FORWARD MARCH!/with heartbroken relief,/I overcome your grasp of time
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